You Don't Choose a Life, You Live One

I don't really have a 'bucket list'.  Because of my life experiences thus far, I make sure that most of the 'dreams' I have, or goals I set remain very attainable and achievable.  I have endured the pain of not having a pretty significant dream of mine come true, and therefore my heart is guarded from dreaming 'big' altogether.


But there is one thing...one leg of my journey in life...that I do dream about.  It is a pilgrimage that I heard of...probably 6 years ago now, called the Camino de Santiago.  It is an 800 kilometer route that traverses through Northern Spain...ending in the city of Santiago, and more specifically at the Cathedral of Santiago where it is believed that the body of the Apostle James is buried.  It is a path that has been traveled by pilgrims of all faiths and backgrounds for over 1000 years mostly with the goal of seeking penance and restoration.  


In the summer of 2005, while attending a continuing education weekend with my husband, I had the privilege of hearing Sue Kenny (the keynote speaker) tell her story of trekking the route of the Camino de Santiago.  Her story was inspirational and immediately grabbed the heart of both my husband and I.  She talked about how she had been carrying her pain, anger, unforgiveness and sorrow around with her for many years and had allowed those things to fill up her heart, leaving no room for love.


Sue Kenny writes:


"The next day I left in the stillness of the winter morning to walk 34 kilometers alone. For some reason on this day I noticed neat piles of stones placed on the edge of the path or piled on top of the concrete markers that were decorated with a blue tile imbedded with a scallop shell symbol indicating the way to Santiago. I assumed the piles of stones were placed by the pilgrims before me and wanting to be a part of a historic ritual, I added a stone of my own. Even though I didn’t understand why I did this, I felt like I was a part of something very special.

Later that afternoon, I arrived at the refugio and introduced myself to the others who had journeyed from the four corners of the world. Everyone was from a different country and so the conversation was a feast of many languages. Luckily for me, someone was always able to translate what was being said into English.  During a lull in the conversation, I asked if anyone at the table knew the reasons for the piles of stones left along the way. Sitting directly across from me, Andreas, a young German pilgrim smiled with anticipation and told me he knew a story about the stones.  Speaking slowly, he explained. “It is said, if you pick up a stone and put some of your sorrow into it, when you place the stone down you leave some of your sorrow behind.”

I was moved. The story resonated with me. If I could leave my sorrow on the Camino, surely it would create more space in my heart for love. The next day, as soon as I went outside to begin walking, the first thing I did was to pick up a stone. I wasn’t sure how to put my sorrow into a stone, so I just imagined I could. Holding the stone in my hand as I walked, I caressed the smooth edges with my fingers like I was rubbing the sorrow into it. After a few minutes, I carefully set the stone down on the side of the path, letting go of my sorrow with it. Almost immediately, my heart opened up for more love and it felt so good that I wanted to pick up another stone right away. So I did, but this time I thought about putting the sorrow of my daughters into the stone. Seeing a small round stone, I picked it up for my oldest daughter Tara. I held it for a while as I walked, putting her sorrow into it and then I placed it down on the path. The next stone I picked up was for middle daughter Meghan. I held the it close to my heart imagining her sorrow was moving into the stone, and then I gently placed it down too. Finally, I picked up a stone for Simone, my youngest daughter. With intention, I put her sorrow into the stone too. Never at any time did I suppose I knew exactly what their sorrow was, I only knew they possessed it. This was my secret gift to them.  It was perfect. This would soon become a daily ritual for me.

(Taken from Sue's Book:  My Camino  -  http://suekenney.ca )

There is something about this story that just captivates me, resonates with me.  I think there are many of us who carry our sorrow around with us...all the time, believing that it is reasonable.  But we are here to live life, whether it is the life we wanted or not.  We must let go of our sorrow and fill our hearts up with forgiveness and love and move forward on the journey set before us.  This is part of the road to becoming Most Satisfied in him, in the midst of our suffering.

Emilio Estevez and his father Martin Sheen made a great movie about a father's journey on the Camino de Santiago entitled "The Way".  It is a powerful and inspirational story about the challenges we face while navigating this thing called....life.

http://www.theway-themovie.com/index.php

Posted in: Mel's Thoughts